Malism
by Ashe Corinthos
Summary: "You and I... I wish we'd never met. Because at least I wouldn't have fallen in love with you like this." -In which everything is perfect... until you realize it never was.


_-malism-_

 _(noun);_

 _The belief that the world is evil._

 ** _.x.X.x._**

"I just can't find it anywhere…"

Puzzled, the young blonde scans the large shelves of books. The peaceful quiet of the library allows her to focus on the spines of every novel, but despite her intense concentration, she can't find the title she's looking for.

It's late on a Saturday afternoon, and she's been browsing the shelves for quite a long time. Fingertips grazing along the mix of smooth and rough bindings, she twists her mouth in minor frustration. It feels like she's been looking forever for the book she's been dying to read, but it's been fruitless so far.

"It must've been checked out already…" Rin sighs deeply, straightening up from perusing the bottom shelf for at least the third time. Toying with the hem of her dark jacket, she frowns in defeat.

Of course, the book she's looking for- _Paper Plane_ \- she's already read a hundred times over. That doesn't stop her from frequently checking it out of the library to reread. The clerks all seem to know her by name now, too, because of it.

Mentally making a note to come back for it later the next week, she turns around to collect the small mountain of books nearby she plans to check out anyway. Before she can complete the action, though, she finds herself mere inches from walking right into the chest of a boy coming down the aisle.

Sputtering and embarrassed, she jumps back as he jolts to an abrupt halt, running an awkward hand through her short golden locks.

"Wow, I'm sorry," she laughs it off, not meeting the eyes of the guy and hoping to avoid as much weirdness as possible. "I wasn't paying attention."

"Nah, it's fine, I wasn't either."

His voice causes her to draw her gaze back to his face, surprised by the silky, easy tone. To her surprise, she finds herself immediately captured in oceanic blue eyes not far off a shade from her own. His look is kind, gentle somehow, and she feels her heart jump strangely in her chest. A sense of familiarity comes along with it, like she should know him from somewhere, but she can't put her finger on it.

He's taller than her, her head level with his collar, and he has a hardcover book cradled in his arms. Reaching up to tug at his bright yellow bangs, he smiles at her, friendly.

Something else catches her eye other than his shockingly charming looks. "Hey…" she murmurs, raising a hand to gesture toward the novel in his hands. "Is- Is that _Paper Plane?_ "

"What?" Confused by her question, he follows the movement and it registers a second later. "Oh, this…? Um… Yeah, it is."

He seems flustered by her inquiry, as if shy about being asked. She can see his small, adorable ponytail bob with the way he moves.

Heart fluttering with a bit of apprehension, she continues quietly, her words a bit rushed. "That's- That's really neat, because I um… I love that book. I was just looking for it, actually. I didn't expect to find someone else reading it, to be honest."

 _Why am I talking? I could've walked away and skipped such an awkward conversation. Damn it, Rin..._

"Really?" She can't help but feel heartwarmed by the way his expression lights up like a Christmas tree. His youthful features seem to brighten up, and his embarrassment leaches away fast. His mouth quirking into a bright grin, he lets a bit of enthusiasm spill into his voice.

"It's such an obscure book, I wasn't sure anyone else even liked it, considering it's not very well-known and a tragedy to boot. I mean, I knew _someone_ had to have been reading it since it kept getting checked out of the library, but… Well, I just didn't think that-"

Her soft laughter halts his words, and he eyes her suspiciously as she covers her mouth with one hand, clearly not having meant to giggle girlishly like that out loud.

"Sorry, sorry," she quickly amends, eyes shining brightly. "It's just… I thought I was the only one who felt so strongly about _Paper Plane_ is all. It's my favorite novel. There's really something fascinating about the story of a doomed boy trapped in a hellish prison, loving a girl he can't meet."

"I always thought the idea of trading paper planes like that was the most interesting part," he responds, tilting his head animatedly. "Even with the threat of punishment, he kept exchanging letters with her. You don't find too many people who would feel that level of dedication and affection for someone they only know through words."

Somehow, she's found herself moved closer to him, without her consent. In the past few moments, Rin's barely been able to hear anything more than his echoing of her thoughts and the rapid thump of her heartbeat. She can feel how it flutters in her chest, so easily taken by this stranger who's appeared from nowhere.

"Yeah… It's not easy to find someone who loves so strongly that they'd risk any kind of danger to be near the person they love," she hums, her voice dropping lightly as she tucks a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

It seems like their eyes are magnetically connected, continuing to meet and destined to gaze too long into one another. They're both wearing silly smiles, but she feels warm from the inside out being in his presence.

"Well, I uh… I won't hold you up here," he says after a moment, his fingers flexing slightly over the cover of the novel. "I'm sure you have things to do."

"Actually, I had been looking all over for that book," she hums, twiddling her fingers in front of her. "I was hoping to find it before I had to leave, but I hadn't realized it had been checked out already."

...Wait. Wait a minute.

"H-Hold on," she says suddenly, fishing through her pocket and retrieving her phone, checking it with lightning speed. "Oh no."

"'Oh no'?" He becomes concerned, peering at her.

"Oh no, I'm going to be _late._ I was supposed to have left twenty minutes ago. I'm sorry, I really have to go," she apologizes, bowing her head gently. Ah man, her mom's going to kill her for skipping out on dinner again. Not that she was looking forward to going in the first place.

Sidestepping away from him and meaning to walk around him, she mumbles out a farewell. "I- It was nice meeting you."

"Hey, wait!"

Something hot and firm grips her wrist, and she pauses to look back at him. His fingers are curled around her slender skin, a lot softer than she thought it would feel. His eyes glimmer in the light, and he holds out the novel she'd been painstakingly searching for.

"You said you wanted this, right? Take it. I was getting ready to return it anyway."

She blinks, uncertain. "Are you sure-?"

"Yeah, of course. Just one condition though." He aims a gentle, but mischievous smirk her way. "I want to know your name."

She recognizes those words, uttered in a tragic sentence in the novel held tightly in his hand, so she can't help her own laugh.

"...My name's Rin," she murmurs, tentatively taking the book from him. "And you?"

Seeming to twinkle with amusement, he releases it and her wrist. "I'm Len."

 _Len…_ It's definitely an attractive name, too. A fine match for the cute boy in front of her. For a minute she's swept again into his blue-eyed starry gaze, entangled in his intensity.

"I'll get to see you here again, won't I?" he asks her inquisitively.

She glances down at the hardback she's clutching near her chest, and nods.

"...Maybe we'll trade off again sometime," Rin replies, still able to feel the residual warmth of his hand.

With a gentle smile and a flick of his shiny bangs, his expression draws her in, easily able to capture her attention.

"...I'll be waiting for that, then."

 **.x.X.x.**

The days that pass after that come by fast.

Somehow, she makes a point of being at the library more often. For the first few visits, she didn't see him again. Though disappointed, she knew it was random chance they'd met the first time, so the next could be who knows when. Luckily, it was only a week after that she was able to find him, his blue eyes catching her from across the room and the biggest smile on his face- which, she had realized then, was mirrored on hers.

They spent a few hours that day just talking. About _Paper Plane_ , about one another. Getting to know each other. Rin still couldn't figure out why he seemed so familiar, and he said he felt the same, but they couldn't remember the time or place.

She has to admit, that day felt like it was a dream. Meeting Len felt like a prince had decided to swoop into her life and wipe her off her feet. As she grew closer to him and was given the opportunity to know more about him, he turned out to be just as kind and sensitive as she'd first hoped. They continued to connect, making plans to meet a few times during the week at specific times of the day.

A month goes by like this, as autumn slowly drifts into the oncoming winter. Their kindling friendship turning to budding romance felt like a fairy tale, and she found herself looking forward to every next visit far more than the last. She learned he loved adventure and fantasy novels, but had a soft spot for tragedy, similar to her own. He told her he attended a public school on the opposite side of town from her, while she goes to an all-girls academy. He has a best friend, Mikuo, who he spends Sundays playing Dungeons and Dragons with when he's not being tutored on piano. She told him about her family, how she lives with her mother and her soon-to-be new alcoholic husband and tends to run away to the library for alone time. He explained his father was a wealthy travelling businessman and was rarely home. It didn't take long for them both to open up like beautifully blooming roses.

Bit by bit, little by little, she knew what was happening. That she was falling in love with him. Rin hasn't ever felt so entwined with someone, so close and affectionate of anyone including a boy before. It gets to the point where they've exchanged numbers and text regularly, too, late into the evenings.

It makes her wonder what she did with her life before she'd met him. Of course she had her best friend, Gumi, to talk to about it, but she felt compelled to tell this boy anything on her mind and not feel weird about doing it. He's so easily approachable that it became easy to spill out whatever she wanted without thinking twice- and he acted the same way. Like having a brand new close friend to share secrets with, except in this case she couldn't help wishing for more.

One visit, when they're sitting together on the comfortable brown suede chairs, animatedly discussing the _Xanth_ series and the amount of puns and literalism, they're resting in peaceful silence thumbing through new stories when a random question pops into her head.

"Oh, hey, Len?" she asks, and he doesn't hesitate to withdraw his gaze from the novel in his hands to inquiringly raise a brow toward her. "When's your birthday? Just for future reference, you know?"

Placing a bookmark to keep his page safe, he hums. "I'll be eighteen in December. December twenty-seventh."

While he smiles, she finds herself gaping at him in shock. Her reaction gives him pause, and his brows knit together in concern.

"Uh… is that a bad thing?" he asks uncertainly, and she can barely shake her head.

"I- no, _no_ it isn't, I just- really? The twenty seventh?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I know when my birthday is. Why?"

She inhales sharply, unable to believe what she's heard. Composing herself and trying to conceal the surprise and weirdly palpable excitement, she explains; "Well, I… _my_ birthday is the twenty seventh. I'll be eighteen, too."

Now it's his turn for wide eyes. Leaning toward her in fascination, he stares at her imploringly. "Are you serious? The twenty seventh of December? No joke?"

"I wouldn't joke about that, _please._ That's so weird," she says, feeling intrigued by it also. "I never would have thought we'd share the same birthday. Is that coincidental or what?"

His ocean blues twinkle with amusement, and his voice adopts a softer tone.

"Pretty amazing, right? Maybe that means we were meant to meet like this after all."

She feels how fast her cheeks turn crimson, and she averts her gaze. "P-Psh, maybe you're right…"

"Hey, actually, that reminds me of something," he says, his fingers netting together in his lap as he adjusts himself on the seat. "Maybe we could go out sometime?"

She blinks, not sure she understands properly. "...Go out?"

"I mean like go get lunch together. You also said you wanted to hear me play piano sometime, right? How about this weekend?" He doesn't seem to have any qualms about boldly asking her out like this, keeping his easy smile in place.

 _He's actually asking me out on what sounds like an actual date. Holy christ._ Her already baffled thoughts can hardly handle this turn, but she finds herself nodding in confirmation anyway, her heart answering for her.

"I… I'd love to," she mumbles gently, and his responding bright grin is blinding. "Let me make sure there's nothing going on this weekend, and I'll let you know, okay?"

"Sounds great. I'm looking forward to it," he says enthusiastically. "Call me when you're ready. I figure I'll pick you up here at three next Saturday."

As she agrees, her head spins wildly. _It's happening. This is really going to happen._ The wonderful autumn-colored days she's spent with him so far have been wonderful, but the question bouncing around in her mind is- _does he see me as a girl? Does he have feelings for me?_

 _Maybe I'll get my answer… next weekend._

 **.x.X.x.**

Arriving home early that evening, Rin pops open the door of the two-floor house, sliding onto the wood-panelled floor and hanging up her jacket. She can hear the distant sound of the TV running, and her mother talking, presumably to her fiancé. She tries to make her movements as quiet as possible, but when she tries to sneak past the entry to the living room and run up the stairs to her bedroom, her mother calls her name commandingly.

"Rin Kagamine, get in here. I need to speak with you."

Not enjoying the tone being used on her, she grudgingly walks into the quaint living room. Her mother and boyfriend are sitting together on the couch, both sipping small wine glasses of cherry-red liquid. When she walks in front of her mother, the older woman straightens up.

It's always made Rin wonder how this person could be her mother yet look so distant from her. Sure they share the same hair and eyes, but Miriam's face is narrower, with sharper angles and deep creases along her mouth, and one look from her can send you running if you're not prepared to handle the piercing, deep-searching gaze she'll pin on you. It's funny enough that the dark-skinned foreign man beside her, Bruno, managed not to get frightened away when they first met.

The man in question is trained on the TV, tuning them both out without saying a word. His big hands encase the tiny cup in his grasp, and he doesn't offer a greeting toward her besides a light wave of his palm. A normal occurrence in her strained family life, it seems.

"Yes, mom?" Rin attempts to keep an about face, biting the inside of her cheek. It always makes her uncomfortable when she's forced to stand in the presence of her mother and her lover. Something about him always feels weird, and she it unnerves her to the point where being in the same room as him is unsettling.

"Where have you been all day?" Miriam's icy eyes examine her daughter.

"The library," the blonde responds honestly, shuffling her feet slightly. "I was doing some reading."

Her mother straightens her spine, lowering her glass to between her thighs and narrowing her gaze. Her mouth twists in distaste.

"I'm not sure I like how much time you spend holed up in that library," she states crossly. "I know you love your books, but this is too much. You also missed dinner with us again after I _specifically_ told you I wanted you here."

A flare of rebellion builds in the younger girl's chest, but she suppresses it. It's become an art form, the way she swallows back her bitter remarks. Instead, she tries for a more appeasing voice. "Mom, you know it's important to me there. It's not like I'm out partying."

"I want to make sure you're there _studying,_ Rin. You've been spending your days there in little fantasy worlds and ignoring reality when it's the most crucial time for you to be focusing on your future. I barely managed to get you into the all girls school so you would have a better education, but I can't baby you for your entire life."

Her words sting, seeming unfair and unnecessary, and Rin clenches her teeth together to stop from replying.

"I want you to limit your visits there. Only a few days of the week, and not for long. One day you'll regret having spent so much time with your head in the clouds." Miriam holds nothing back in her acidic words, and the teenager can only stare at her in disbelief.

Limit her visits…?

An image of Len's smiling face crosses her mind, and it's like that ignites the flame of anger trying to rise up within her. The library has become her sanctuary away from home, not only because of her novels but because of him. Taking that away from her, forcing her to restrict herself…

She can't hold back the rushed hiss of words that spew out next.

"You can't make me stop going."

"Excuse me?" Miriam tilts her head, clearly not thinking she heard her daughter right. Next to her, Bruno's eyes flicker to the young girl, the outburst drawing his attention. "What did you say?"

"I said… you can't do that." Her voice has quieted, but Rin stares her mother down even though it's frightening watching the anger light on the older woman's features. "That library, I- you know how much it means to me there, and I'm not going to force myself to not go."

The long-haired woman immediately grows stiff, eyes hardening. "I don't remember _asking_ you. I'm sick of you finding ways to disobey what I tell you to do. I've raised you without your father and given you everything I could, and all I ask is that you listen to me. As long as you're my daughter and you live under my roof, in _my_ care-"

"Is that it? You're going to give me the 'I raised you' lecture?" Rin snaps back on her, interrupting, her face growing blazing hot with anger. "Just because dad didn't want me doesn't mean you have the right to make my decisions for me."

It's sharp and cruel of her to jab at her parent like this, but Miriam jerks back, appalled by her choice of words. Whatever she had been about to say is stalled for just a moment, and the blonde takes this moment to take a step back, inhaling deeply and trying to compose herself.

"...It's not like it'll matter anyway. I'll be out of here soon enough."

She spins around and bolts out of the room. Her mother yells her name as she flees, but she can't bear to be drawn back into the room. Her footsteps thundering up the stairs, she rushes into her room and slams the door, locking it behind her and breathing heavily, leaning her forehead against the wood and forcing herself to calm.

It was an overreaction, she knows it, but… For years, that library has been her safe place. When there was bullying at school and problems at home, there was the library. It gave her a place to think, a place to breathe, a home to dream in. Now, with Len meeting her there regularly in their mutually busy lives, she can't give it up. Not now, when it means so much to her to see him. She hasn't felt so happy being near someone in so long…

And for her mother to close in with the speech about how much she's done for her daughter and throwing, again, the fact that her father is a worthless man out partying in another part of the continent that she's never met, was too much for her to handle. It's a spiel she's heard too many times to count, that her mother uses against her when she knows it'll give her an easy victory, but this… _no_. Rin won't give up the one place she loves, even if it means fighting her own mother for it.

Life has been strained extremely in this house ever since Bruno became part of their- her- lives. All Rin wants now is to leave, to get away from it all, and right now this is the only way she can.

Covering her face in both hands and letting the icy tinge of her cool skin relieve her, she forces back frustrated tears and calms. Peering between her fingers, she glances toward her bedroom window, where the moon has already become fully visible in the night sky.

 _I'm meeting Len on Saturday,_ she decides.

 _...No matter what._

* * *

 **A/N** : _Not beta'd. Totally uncut because in a bit of a rush._

So originally this fic was supposed to be a oneshot. Hahahaahahhaaha- that didn't work out so well. Currently it's unfinished but I've been actively working on it. It also grew a bit too long on accident because it was one way in the original, and now that I'm writing it, it's expanded. So now I'm thinking two or three chapters total. Hopefully. I can only hope haha.

Anyway, I elected to upload first chapter today because it's the Kagamine's birthday and this was supposed to be finished by now, (and that didn't work out right haha.)

I'm gonna tell you right now that this story is gonna twist most likely in the next chapter. So uh... be ready for that. The angst is gonna be real, but for now, I hope you enjoy this rather fluffy tension-tinged entry, and I'll see you in the next update, preferably soon. _  
_

See you soon. _  
_


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